the river is flowing down to the sea

Three Yakuza and a Baby, Chapter 5

2008-07-06T01:49:01Z

Title: Three Yakuza and a Baby, Chapter 5: Feilong’s good evening
Author: priestess_grrrl
Series: Viewfinder
Pairing: none this chapter
Rating: PG-13
Genre: drama with a side order of crack
Notes: Feilong shops at Little Buddha Baby, except imagine everything is three times as expensive. Yes, they really do have a Lil' Empress onesie.

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4

“What do you think, Tao? The crimson or the turquoise?”

“Both of them, Feilong-sama!”

“Both of them it is!” Feilong handed the two velvet-lined silk baby hats to the smiling proprietor, who had been more than happy to keep her tiny shop open an hour later than usual after she realized that Feilong fully intended to purchase half of her inventory. She had wisely chosen either not to notice or not to care about the heavily armed guards patrolling the street outside.

Feilong was feeling especially pleased with himself. In just a few short hours, he’d transformed baby Kokoro from an orphaned waif in duct taped diapers to an elegant little Chinese princess. Little Kokoro, whom Feilong had given a new nickname, Xin-xin, was now clearly the most well-dressed baby in all of Japan. She had enough new outfits to last her an entire month, including a beautiful red and gold baby cheongsam, complete with a tiny frog button closure, a lovely handmade baby kimono patterned with a graceful sakura design, and a luxuriously soft Cashmere onesie with “Lil’ Empress” embroidered on the front, which she was wearing right now.

Tiny tiger slippers covered her little feet (they’re fashionable and they frighten evil away!), on her head was a matching silk appliqué tiger hat with gold, silver and jade charms hanging from it, and little 14 karat gold bells graced her wrists and ankles. She was wrapped in a lavender silk blanket with a floral print lined with ivory plush fur. Feilong could hardly stop from cooing in delight every time he looked at her.

“Don’t we look pretty, Mommy’s little Xin-xin!”

The shop owner had taken to pulling things out of secret drawers and compartments behind the counter, which Feilong especially enjoyed. After all, he deserved the royal treatment, did he not? Even though it had been years and years, Feilong had never quite gotten over being treated like a second class citizen next to his stepbrother all his young life. Despite the fact that he knew very well that he could snap his fingers and get anything he wanted these days, it still gave him a secret thrill to have people pulling out all the stops just to please him.

“Perhaps these would interest you?” The woman handed him a purple velvet pouch fastened with a beaded clasp. Inside it contained two exquisitely beautiful silver hair combs, dripping with pearls. There were also several loose strands of pearls included, which were to be woven into the hair alongside the combs. Feilong ran them through his fingers carefully. He loved the silky feel of real pearls.

“So very pretty! But I’m afraid little Xin-xin isn’t quite old enough for Mommy to be buying her pearls. Her hair has only just started to grow!” He ran a hand over the fuzz under Kokoro’s hat lovingly.

“Ah, but if you will pardon my rudeness, Sir, they would look lovely in your own hair.”

Feilong’s eyes lit up. “In my…? For me?”

Tao clapped his hands in delight. “Yes, yes, Feilong-sama! Try them! I want to see!”

Well, why not? Feilong soon found himself perched on a chair in the center of the store, holding Kokoro in his lap, while the saleswoman wove pearls into his long hair with careful fingers.

As she worked, Feilong monitored the situation outside. One of his own men stood close by the door, which now read Closed. Two more passed by periodically, and Feilong knew there were two Invisibles watching as well, likely from the rooftops, who would interfere only if necessary. Asami’s men were there, too, across the street, looking stupidly obvious. Yakuza were so inelegant; they always looked uncomfortable, like they had guns stuffed in every orifice. Feilong did not understand why Asami felt the need to surround himself with musclebound morons all the time, but then, what did Asami know of grace and elegance? Clearly nothing.

Feilong was still angry at Asami for roping him into this in the first place, though he had to admit, he was having fun. Also, now that he had some idea of what Asami really wanted from him, he could see why he’d asked for Feilong’s help, rude comments aside. Feilong was keenly observant, in a way that Asami’s men were not. They were trained to recognize concealed weapons and potential threats, but subtlety was not their forte. Feilong, on the other hand, noticed everything: every gesture, every movement, every glance, from the brush of the shop owner’s delicate fingers in his hair to the way the lights of passing vehicles glinted off the ruby eyes of the Chan Chu money frog sitting on the counter.

And so it was that Feilong saw what everyone else had missed completely: the eyes that watched them. You did not rise as high as Feilong had in the Hong Kong underworld by not being able to tell when you were being watched. He had sensed the eyes on him as soon as they had set foot in Chinatown - multiple eyes. It could have been just the fact that Feilong cut an impressive figure, all dressed to the nines, with Kokoro and Tao in tow, but Feilong knew better. There was a difference between being looked at and being watched. This was definitely the latter. It was not, however, the type of observation involving men with guns stalking other men with guns. These were women watching.

From behind swiftly pulled curtains, from tiny third floor windows, from swift-moving cars, women’s eyes followed them. It was almost as if the entire neighborhood were one entity, watching them out of the corner of its collective eye. Never anything overt, never anything obvious, but clearly it was there, like an underground river, flowing quietly beneath them wherever they went.

It was a foolish oversight among Yakuza that they completely disregarded women except for purposes of prostitution. This was not only a waste of valuable resources, but also just plain stupid. Women were just as capable as men of murder, deceit, treachery, and every other type of crooked behavior. Discounting them was extremely unwise and very often deadly.

Baishe did not make such a mistake. Feilong often found it useful to employ women, especially when his enemies were blockheaded Yakuza who were reduced to blithering idiocy in the presence of the female sex. Women held no such sway over Feilong, so having them in his arsenal was like possessing the perfect poison: deadly to others, but to himself, harmless.

Spending most of his youth prowling the streets of Hong Kong doing dirty work for his stepbrother had taught Feilong a few things. One was that in any given location where organized crime was a way of life, the local street women were likely to be networked as tightly as a den of thieves. They did this mostly for self-preservation: after all, in the eyes of the law, the life of a common street whore was worth very little; in the eyes of the average crime lord, it was worth even less.

The lives of these women were often very bleak: if violence, murder, or drugs didn’t finish them off, disease surely would. They knew that they had very little chance of survival if they didn’t have someone watching their back. They also knew that anything they tried to do on their own in terms of defense would likely be futile. So they did the only thing left for them to do: bear witness to one another. Eyes were always watching: every murder, every rape, every hidden heinous act was recorded, as if on sacred criminal parchment, to be used in a court of law that would never materialize.

But the women knew. They saw everything; they forgot nothing, and every once in a while, when something was of concern to the entire community, they would band together and act as one. This was rare, but when it did happen, it was a force to be reckoned with.

Feilong remembered bitterly the aftermath of his stepbrother Yantsui having raped a high class Chinese prostitute. For months afterward, it was Feilong's job to get rid of the female assassins who kept cropping up left and right. He also had the honor of being poisoned several times on his brother’s behalf, since Yantsui had insisted on him tasting all of his food before he ate it, and like an idiot, Feilong had agreed. The up side of it was that nowadays, Feilong was immune to most common poisons, which came in very handy.

The other fringe benefit was that he now knew precisely what it felt like to walk down the street in the city under the glare of a hive of angry whores. There was no doubt about it: the women here knew exactly who Kokoro was and they were not happy about her current situation. Whoever her mother was, she had sent out the prostitute equivalent of a code red, and the women were up in arms.

Feilong knew for a fact that the Yakuza had several brothels here in Chinatown. Chinese women were favored as prostitutes because they were easier to obtain illegally, and because having Japanese whores would make Japanese men feel dirty, naturally. Not that there could be anything filthier than a Yakuza. Feilong considered the entire affair to be deplorable, but then, no one in organized crime was exactly up for citizen of the year, now were they?

It was hard for Feilong to believe that Asami had been stupid enough to knock up one of these prostitutes, but it was obvious to him that the man was concerned about it, so he must have visited at least one. Unless he had a secret girlfriend, which was even more horrifying to contemplate. But if he did, then he’d know whose child it was, wouldn’t he? Feilong knew Asami preferred men, so it was very unlikely that the woman he produced this child with was anything other than a whore.

The bigger question was, why were these women so angry? Feilong knew that he wasn’t just imagining things: he’d definitely been getting dirty looks all evening, and not just your average dirty looks, either... They were the type that very distinctly said, who the hell are you and what the hell are you doing with that child? What exactly had Asami done? And if he had done something unpardonable, why on earth would they have given the baby back to him? Perhaps someone else had stolen the baby from its mother and given it to Asami?

All of these thoughts were whirling through Feilong’s mind when he felt the telltale eyes on him once again. Outside the window, on the corner across from the two oblivious Yakuza, several young girls in brightly colored jackets and high heels stood together, trying hard to make it look like they were doing nothing in particular. One was toying with her cell phone, another reached into her purse for some lipstick, but it was clear to Feilong that this was an act. The two outside girls stood flanking the third girl, who was dressed in plain clothing and was staring intently at Feilong. No, at Kokoro.

The plain-clothed girl was very young, not yet eighteen, and she seemed wan looking… as if she had just recently given birth. A-ha! Asami had been right after all: a mother couldn’t resist coming to see her child on display. But… if this girl was actually Kokoro’s mother, then… No, it wasn’t possible, was it? Asami wouldn’t sink that low. It was one thing with Akihito, who was pretty girly, but a teenaged girl like this? Feilong smelled a rat. The girl had to be lying. But why?

The group of girls started to move away. Feilong knew if he was going to act, he’d have to act quickly. Smiling his brightest, most charming smile, he lifted his right hand and waved cheerfully at them. The plain-clothed girl stared in horror for a split second, then recovered as her two girlfriends grasped her arms and giggled, as if it had all been a big joke to get the good looking gentleman’s attention. Then they hurried away up the block.

Feilong’s cell phone rang immediately. It was Invisible #1. Feilong picked it up, still smiling.

“Sir? Shall we follow them?”

“Yes, please do. Keep me posted,” Feilong purred into the phone. He hung up. Victory!

“Feilong-sama? Who was that you were waving to?” Tao sounded tired; it was long past his bedtime, after all. Time to take him back to the hotel. They were finished here.

“Just some more of our fans among the ladies, Tao. I think they like you!”

“Aww, no way, Feilong-sama! It was all your pretty pearls!”

The saleswoman held up a mirror to show him the finished product, and Feilong beamed. What had started off as an awfully crappy day had turned out well after all. He now had pearls in his hair, a precious little empress in his lap, and information that Asami Ryuichi wanted very, very badly. Things were definitely looking up.

Three Yakuza and a Baby, Chapter 4 (Asami/Akihito)

2008-06-09T01:12:52Z

Title: Three Yakuza and a Baby, Chapter 4: Asami’s surprise
Author: priestess_grrrl
Series: Viewfinder
Pairing: AsamixAkihito
Rating: R-ish for being pr0n-ish
Genre: drama with a side order of crack. Lots of drama this chappie.

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3

Chapter 4: Asami's surprise

“I want to know what the hell is going on, and I want to know now!”

Asami stared. Akihito had just pulled a gun on him. His Akihito had just pulled his own gun on him. Asami couldn’t help it: he was as hard as the Rock of Gibraltar.

“Akihito…” He tried to keep the lust out of his voice, but he imagined he was failing.

It was a constant source of amazement to Asami that Akihito really had no idea at all what effect he had on other men. Even after he’d been the object of everyone’s desire from Japan to Hong Kong to Russia, he still didn’t get it. He just walked around like everyone was crazy and it had nothing whatsoever to do with him.

On the contrary. Asami couldn’t think of a single thing in the world more tempting than the beautiful boy pressing that hard metal weapon against his chest right now. With his pouty lips gently parted, his face deliciously flushed, his eyes flashing like a wounded animal, liable to strike with a fierceness hitherto unknown – how the hell did he expect Asami to react? At that moment, someone could have offered Asami control over every criminal organization in the world, gold and silver beyond measure, hell, even the promise to crown him Emperor of Creation, and he’d have turned them all down to be exactly where he was right now.

It took all of Asami’s considerable willpower not to grab Akihito, throw him down and fuck him immediately. The only reason he held back was that he was aware of the fact that Akihito didn’t know how to use a gun, and he didn’t want to accidentally hurt him. But goddamn it, the kid was making it tough.

“A-answer me, damn you!”

Akihito was hyperventilating, his sweat-slicked chest rising and falling in time with his ragged breath. It was the worst kind of torture for Asami to have to hold himself back from running his fingers all over that silky sweet skin.

“Akihito. You’ve never, ever pulled a gun on me. Ever.”

“Well there’s a first time for everything, isn’t there? Now tell me the truth! Did you just send that child into danger?”

Akihito was shaking all over, his fingers barely able to hold the gun. Asami breathed in his quivering fear and his seething anger like a wild animal, intoxicated by the irresistible pheromones. He moved a fraction of an inch closer, causing Akihito to press the barrel of the gun further into his ribcage. Asami tried not to purr.

“Whoever left that baby here knows exactly where it is. It’s just as safe with Feilong as it was here with you. Safer, even, because unlike you, Feilong actually knows how to use a gun.”

“Shut up! You sick twisted bastard! Kokoro is a she, not an it! And you’re lying! Kokoro… she… she’s…”

Asami could tell that he had almost won. Akihito’s hands faltered for a moment and he started to lower the gun, but his anger refueled his strength and he raised it again. It was the kind of rage that suited him best, Asami thought, righteous anger on behalf of someone even more innocent and helpless than he. A beautiful thing to behold. Akihito should really see himself like this. Maybe next time Asami should make a video.

“S-She’s not safer with Feilong; he’s fucking crazy, just like you! The fuck is the matter with you, that you would put an innocent child like that in danger, a child that might be… that might be…”

Damn you, Feilong. Now he knows. Well, it couldn’t be helped. Akihito was bound to find out sooner or later.

“Tell me the truth, goddamn it!!” Akihito’s voice was breaking; his eyes were glassy, his lower lip trembling. “Is… is Kokoro your child?”

Asami sighed.

“ASAMI!! Don’t fuck with me!”

Akihito's hands were trembling so hard on the gun that Asami was starting to get actually worried. Time to end this. Now.

“I don’t know, Akihito. That’s the truth.”

“W-what do you mean, you don’t know? How could you not know?”

“It’s… unlikely that the child is mine. Is that what you wanted to hear?”

“W-what I wanted to…? You’re – you’re just telling me what I want to hear?!”

He was very close to breaking; Asami could smell it. A tear slipped down Akihito’s cheek and his breath came in short, sharp gasps. Just give me an inch, kid. One inch, so I can get my hand over the muzzle and then the only one you’ll be able to hurt is me. Come on. One inch. You can do it.

Akihito started laughing quasi-hysterically. “Oh, I see. I get it now! What an idiot I am! How fucking stupid of me, to think that I was anything but one stop on the Asami Ryuichi World Sex Tour. To think I was under the foolish impression that you actually gave a fuck. Like I’ve seen you ever care about anyone, unless it had to do with guns or money or both. Well, fine! You just carry on with your baby making all you want, don’t let me get in your way. You fucking first class asshole!”

Almost had it. Almost. Asami shifted his weight back ever so slightly. One more centimeter, that’s it…

“I HATE YOU!!!”

Akihito screamed at the top of his lungs. Several things happened at once. The noise brought Asami’s men crashing through the door. Asami used the distraction and the final centimeter to grab the gun by the barrel and tear it out of Akihito’s trembling hands. Akihito tried to bolt, but Asami caught his arm.

“Lemme go, you cheating son of a bitch! I hate you!!”

Asami’s guards were looking to him for their cue. Luckily, he paid them enough that they never asked questions, even when faced with dubious situations like this one. He nodded them back out the door.

“I said let go of me, you bastard! You have no right to keep me here!”

“Akihito. This is your apartment.”

“Then… then you have no right to be here! Get out!”

“Calm down, Akihito.” Asami grabbed him by his upper arms and held him firmly, more to reassure himself than anything else. He’s safe. That’s all that matters. He can yell all he wants. As long as he’s safe.

“What the hell do you even keep me around for anyway? Why don’t you just go make some more babies while you’re at it?”

“Akihito…” Asami moved closer, sliding his hands up Akihito’s shoulders. “Where in God’s name did you get the idea that I don’t want you?” He leaned in, at last free to taste those quivering lips. Akihito went limp in his arms.

Then he pulled back and slapped Asami across the face.

Almost. Asami caught his hand mid-swing. But it was a valiant attempt.

“I’m not your little whore!”

“Akihi-”

“Stop calling me by my given name, as if we’re lovers!”

“Are we not?” Asami loosened his grip slightly.

“I… I don’t know what the hell we are!” Akihito covered his face with his hands. A sob escaped him. The despondent sound echoed through the now quiet apartment.

Asami tried to pretend it didn’t bother him, but it wasn’t working. As much as he would prefer not to, he was going to have to tell Akihito the truth. He sighed, running a hand through his hair.

“Look, Takaba. Think about this logically. This kid was conceived nine months ago. Do you remember where you were nine months ago?”

Akihito looked up, taking great gulps of air, trying to steady himself. “I-I was still in… s-still in Hong Kong.” He shivered involuntarily.

"Yes. And at that time, I was..." -worried to death- "...convalescing. It was not the easiest of times."

“It wasn’t exactly a walk in the park for me, either!” Akihito looked hurt.

“I am aware of that. However – ”

“So, what, I was gone, so you decided it’d be a swell time to go spread your seed all over creation?”

“No. But there were several times…” …when I was drunk out of my fucking mind.

“Several times what??”

“Several times I woke up with a hangover in certain… locations. With no memory of what had happened the night before.” Except for the memory of trying desperately to drink you out of my head.

“Certain… locations. You mean whorehouses.”

“It is a common Yakuza practice.”

“I am aware of that,” Akihito snapped. “So nice to know you were drinking and whoring around while I was being… being…”

Asami pulled Akihito close to him, and this time he didn’t resist. “Aki-… Takaba. That was never my intention. I…” I lost it. I completely fucking lost it. “I was wounded and frustrated. I had to make some difficult choices. Drinking seemed a better choice than pumping lead into people.” Which also happened. “I never intentionally set out to go to a whorehouse, but you go drinking with a bunch of horny Yakuza, and, well…”

“Shut up. You’re lying. You’re never that stupid. I’ve never seen you lose control like that.”

“You’ve never seen me without you.”

Something in Akihito’s face softened. “So… I do mean something to you.”

“Of course.”

“Are… are you just telling me what I want to hear again?”

“No…” Asami pulled Akihito even closer, breathing into his hair. “No.”

Asami could feel Akihito shaking, clutching desperately at the front of his suit, no longer able to hold back his tears.

"I... I d-don't want to share you," Akihito sniffed.

A strange feeling passed over Asami. It was a possessive feeling, but something more as well, something he couldn't quite put his finger on. Akihito hadn’t cried in his arms like this since… since he’d first been rescued, and he’d been so… damaged. Asami held him as tight as he could without hurting him, as if he could somehow absorb him into his skin. I’ve damaged him. By my own actions, I’ve…

This line of thinking made Asami extremely uncomfortable. In fact, this entire situation was making him uncomfortable. So he did the only thing he could think of: he reached down and grabbed Akihito between the legs.

“Asami!”

“What?”

“See, this is your problem, you’re a friggin’ sex addict! Are there any times when you’re not horny?”

Asami thought about it. “Maybe when I’m asleep.”

“God, you piss me off.” But he stayed close to Asami nevertheless. “So… you swear that was it? That was the only time you were with anybody else?”

“Yes, that was my only concern; the off chance that one of those prostitutes may have gotten pregnant.”

It was actually not uncommon for whores to try to get knocked up by Yakuza bosses on purpose in order to manipulate them for money. Asami had been exceedingly careless, and it was possible that it was going to cost him, big time. But Akihito didn’t need to know about that right now.

“There were no others? No other men? Promise?”

“Promise.” Well, unless you count that one kiss with Feilong. But that hardly counts. Right?

Akihito seemed satisfied; he snuggled closer. Asami reached down to kiss him, long and deep, and this time, Akihito allowed it.

“A-Asami?”

“Yes?”

“I… I guess you can have some tempura ice cream.”

“Thank you, Takaba.”

“It’s… Akihito.”

Three Yakuza and a Baby, Chapter 3 (Asami/Akihito)

2008-06-02T02:22:12Z

Title: Three Yakuza and a Baby, Chapter 3: Akihito's bad day
Author: priestess_grrrl
Series: Viewfinder
Pairing: Asami/Akihito
Rating: This chapter, PG-13
Genre: drama with a side order of crack
Notes: I found this adorable picture surfing the net and I couldn't resist sharing it: click the baby!

Chapter 1 Chapter 2

Chapter 3: Akihito’s bad day

Akihito couldn’t wait till Asami opened that door, so that he could claw his stupid smug Yakuza eyes out!! At this point he was long past irritated and well into seriously pissy. Asami had been gone all day, leaving him to fend for himself with little Kokoro (the name had stuck), a job that he was clearly not at all suited for. Damn him, why is it he’s never around when I need him, but when I don’t want to see him, I can’t get rid of him…?

It had become clear to Akihito after ruining four pairs of boxers (including the ones with the little trains which were his favorite) that in fact, male undergarments could in no way double as baby diapers, no matter how one folded or stuffed them. He had finally managed to convince one of Asami’s guards to go pick up some diapers for him, forgetting of course that the absolute last person who should be in charge of purchasing baby supplies was a big, dumb Yakuza. Kokoro was now in diapers up to her eyeballs. Akihito had to wrap duct tape around her several times just to keep the gigantic things on.

Despite the fact that she now looked like some kind of hybrid mecha-baby, at least she was clean. Akihito had no idea before now of the sheer volume of effluvia one tiny infant could produce. Every time he turned around, Kokoro had made another mess for him to clean up. He learned very quickly the importance of keeping a spit-up towel over his shoulder, after the first time he felt something warm slide right down his back and over his rear end. Surprise! There went another pair of boxer shorts. Had his mother had to put up with all of this from him? This was insane.

Frayed to his last nerve, Akihito had just managed to get the baby to sleep and was desperately trying to make himself some instant ramen (which was all he had in the house), when he heard footsteps at the door. If that’s Asami, I’m so going to give him a piece of my mind! I’ve had it! There’s no way am I going to continue to put up with this! This time, he is going to listen to me…!

Hurrying over to the door, he yanked it open before Asami could put his key in. He was about to yell Where the hell have you been?! at the top of his lungs, but he was tackled before he could even open his mouth.

“AKI-NICHAN!!” Someone half his size was suddenly squeezing him tightly around the middle. Tao?? What the…?

Looking up, Akihito saw the last person he would have expected to see standing in his doorway, wrinkling his delicate nose: Liu Feilong.

“Ach, Takaba, do you honestly live here? It smells like a barnyard; it’s disgusting. To think you complained that I kept you in a cage.” He tossed his long hair haughtily.

“What!? Feilong? What are you…?” Akihito shook his head, trying to clear it. “Damn it, you try keeping a baby clean for a whole day with no decent –”

“Takaba.” Asami had come in right behind Feilong. “I told you not to open this door to anyone who wasn’t one of Ours. What the hell were you doing, yanking it open like that before you knew who was out there? Are you asking to be shot and killed?”

“But – but I –” Damn him…!

“Aki-nichan! Feilong-sama says you have a little sister for me to play with! I want to see her!”

“Yes, yes, let us see the fabled progeny.” Feilong pursed his lips. “Tell me, was she born with a gun in her hand?”

“Feilong.” Asami’s tone was threatening. Akihito looked from one to the other, confused. What the hell was that supposed to mean?

“Only kidding! Come on, Mommy wants to see the little darling.” Feilong was glaring at Asami like he wanted to shoot him dead on the spot. What exactly is going on, here…?

“Look, Kokoro is sleeping right now, and it took me all day to get her to bed, and besides, you guys, come on, this isn’t fair, I - ” Akihito was interrupted again by the loud cries of a newly-woken Kokoro.

“There she is! Come on, Tao.” Feilong pushed Akihito out of the way and in three strides he was in front of Kokoro’s box the middle of the living room. Ignoring Akihito’s cries of protest, he proceeded to scoop the baby up, cradle her against his chest, and nuzzle his nose against hers. Kokoro immediately stopped crying and began grasping at the long strands of Feilong’s hair hanging over her.

“Ku ku ku, there’s a good little Kokoro!” he purred. Akihito stared. Asami crossed his arms, smirking. Tao was jumping up and down, tugging on Feilong’s robe, trying to get a good look at the baby.

“Lemme see her, lemme see little sister Kokoro!” Feilong sat down on the couch (after giving it a dubious glance) and let Tao get a closer look.

“Poor little precious, having to put up with such barbaric company.” Feilong shook his head, which caused Kokoro to laugh in delight and continue to tug at his hair.

“WHAT?? I did the best I could, okay? You are going to lecture me about being barbaric? Are you serious??”

Feilong held Kokoro out as if for inspection. “Duct tape? Is this what passes for childcare in Japan? Not everyone’s as kinky as you, Akihito.”

“I’m the one who’s - ! You – you’re…!” Akihito could not believe how this was going. What the hell was Feilong even doing here…?

“Tao, hand me my brocade bag, I think there’s some talcum powder in it. Honestly, the poor little thing probably has a rash already…”

“Is anyone even listening to me??”

Akihito watched in astonishment as Feilong unfolded the silk handbag Tao handed him into several sections. It seemed to be filled with a variety of different powders, perfumes and hair care products. From his spot against the wall, Asami snorted.

Feilong’s eyes were pure venom. “One word out of you and I am walking out that door, do I make myself clear?”

He tugged at the tightly-wound diaper, but Akihito had taped it down really well after several failed attempts, and it wouldn’t budge. Akihito sighed and went to grab the scissors from the kitchen table. When he turned back, he almost passed out in shock: Feilong had pulled out a wicked looking curved dagger and was about to use it on the baby.

“FEILONG!! What are you doing?! Asami, stop him!” But Asami only continued to smirk from his corner.

Feilong looked up. “What? How else do you expect me to get this monstrosity off of her?”

“You idiot, you don’t use a knife like that around a baby! Here, use scissors! Honestly, what is the matter with you?”

For a moment Akihito was afraid that Feilong wasn’t going to acquiesce, but then he glanced at Tao, who was standing right there, eyes huge and wide. Feilong sighed. “I suppose. I don’t see what the big deal is. I could do it just as well with the knife.”

Akihito said a silent prayer of relief as Feilong took the scissors from him. Kokoro was beginning to fret. “Let me see her, she probably needs to be changed again – ”

“I think not, my little Duct Tape Prince. It looks much better on you. Tao and I will change her. Come along, Tao, this will be a good lesson for you.”

“Wait, Feilong, I don’t trust you…!” Akihito tried to stop him from taking the baby into the bathroom, but he accidentally walked into the coffee table, then stumbled backwards, suddenly dizzy. Asami caught his arm before he fell. Crap, it must be from not eating all day…!

“Akihito.” Asami was holding his arm a little too tightly, which meant he was worried. A part of him wanted to tell Asami he was fine. Another part of him wanted to scream in his face.

“D-damn you!” Akihito felt tears springing to his eyes, which made him even angrier. He pounded Asami’s rock-hard chest uselessly with his fists. “Damn you for leaving me here all day with that baby, to struggle all on my own, and… and now I’m starving! Just… just screw you!!”

Asami pulled Akihito close to his chest with one arm, and pulled out his cell phone with the other. “What do you want?”

“I want you to explain to me what the hell is going on, that’s what I want!” Akihito sniffed against Asami’s perfectly pressed dress shirt.

“For food. What do you want to order?”

Pouting, Akihito tried to think of the most expensive things he could make Asami get for him. “Lobster. And Kobe beef shabu-shabu. And king crab legs. And um, tempura ice cream. Two tempura ice creams. Both for me. None for you.”

He listened as Asami repeated all of those things into the phone, emphasizing two tempura ice creams. Serves him right. Not that it makes a damned difference to him anyway. Then Asami put the phone down and wrapped both his arms around Akihito.

“You could have called for food at any time today, Akihito.”

“You think I like talking to your goons? It was bad enough trying to get them to get diapers for me. You saw how well that worked out.”

“Still. They are at your disposal. You shouldn’t hesitate to ask for anything.”

“Whatever. Just don’t do this to me again.”

“I wont. See, I’ve brought you Feilong.”

“What?” Akihito pulled away, staring. “You brought Feilong here to - ?”

“Ta da! Now who’s a pretty baby?”

Feilong and Tao emerged from the bathroom with a bemused looking Kokoro in tow. She was now wrapped in a cream colored silk scarf that was fastened at the sides with what looked suspiciously like Feilong’s jeweled hairpins.

“Feilong, that’s not going to be sufficient to – ”

“Silence, Takaba. You’d do well to stop disrespecting me, before I decide to make good use of that duct tape. She’ll be fine. I trimmed the giant diapers - with your scissors – and put them on under this nice fashionable scarf, see? Now Kokoro won’t have to be ashamed that her caretaker is a disgrace.”

“Look, Feilong, I’ve had just about enough – ”

“Do you really want to push me, Akihito?”

The look Feilong was giving him was very similar to a panther about to pounce on its prey. Akihito shuddered and moved closer to Asami.

“That’s what I thought. Now then, Kokoro, perhaps we should ask Daddy what the plan is, hmmm? Because if he’s thinking for five minutes that we are going to stay in this hovel, he’s got another thing coming.”

Akihito noticed that Asami’s body tensed ever so slightly when Feilong said Daddy. His feverish brain was starting to put things together, and the picture that was coming out was looking pretty grim. Tell me, was she born with a gun in her hand? Was Feilong trying to say what Akihito thought he was trying to say?

Asami coughed. “Not at all, Feilong. I already have a room booked for you and Tao at the Ritz Carlton. You are free to go there whenever you like. I just thought that first, seeing as you’re so adamant about the baby being dressed properly, that perhaps you’d like to take her shopping.” At this, he pulled out a wad of hundred dollar bills as thick as Akihito’s fist.

“Shopping?” Feilong’s eyes lit up. Akihito could see the wheels turning as he looked at Kokoro, no doubt picturing her in a thousand and one silk brocade outfits. “Wait a minute. I thought you wanted to keep this kid under wraps? Now you want me to take her out? What’s this about?”

“Well, Takaba here deserves a break, don’t you think?”

Akihito was starting to get seriously angry. He didn’t appreciate Asami feigning sympathy for him just to manipulate Feilong. And he didn’t like the idea of Feilong taking off with Kokoro, either. “Asami, I really don’t think this is a good – ”

“Feilong-sama, I’m hungry! Let’s go!” Tao had resumed tugging on Feilong’s robe. He kept looking warily at Asami as if he didn’t trust him. Can’t think why, Akihito thought miserably.

“You want me to draw them out.” Feilong was looking pointedly at Asami.

“My men will be following you. As I assume will yours. You should be in no danger.”

Turning to the baby, Feilong purred. “See, little Kokoro, not even a week old and your mean old daddy is already using you as bait. Isn’t that despicable?”

“That’s enough, Feilong.” Akihito couldn’t believe his ears. Using her as bait? For what? Was Feilong serious?

“Ooh, what are you going to do, send me back to China? Bastard.” Feilong snatched the money out of Asami’s hand. “Fine, I’ll take Kokoro out on the town. But if anything happens to Tao, you are dead by my hand, do you understand me? And your little dog, too." He narrowed his eyes at Akihito.

“Tao will be fine. You’ll be a nice happy family out on a shopping spree.”

“You really are despicable. Akihito, you have my permission to give him hell. I’m sure you’ll do it with relish. Come along, Tao. Ta-ta!”

“But - but wait!” He’s not seriously taking her…?

“Bye, Aki-nichan!” Tao waved as Feilong took his hand and they headed out the door.

“No - wait!” Akihito tried to follow, but Asami grabbed him by the arm.

“Let it be, Akihito.”

Arms encircled him in a tight grip, and suddenly Akihito was furious. As usual, everyone had completely ignored him and did whatever the hell they wanted, including sending a baby into danger. This was not okay with him. No part of this was okay.

Akihito did the only thing he could think of to make Asami listen: he pulled Asami’s gun out of its holster and pointed it straight at him.

“I want to know what the hell is going on, and I want to know now!”

I'm not letting you go (hakkai/gojyo)

2008-05-18T20:43:49Z

Title: I'm not letting you go
Author: priestess_grrrl
Pairing: 58
Rating: PG-13
Warning: emo fangirl on the loose...! Spoilers from latest Gaiden chapter.
Dedication: To the brave and the fallen.

Hakkai woke in a cold sweat, gasping for breath, his good eye wide with shock, his bad eye throbbing in pain. That damned dream again. Gojyo, covered in blood… Panicked, he started frantically grasping for his left ear to make sure his limiters were still in place, but his hand was stuck, stuck in something long and tangled…

“OW! Jesus fuck, Hakkai, will you wake up! That’s my hair!”

Long and tangled… Hakkai blinked. Gojyo was half on top of him, writhing in agony, grasping Hakkai’s arm with both hands, trying desperately to loosen the tight fingers fisted in his snarled red hair.

“Gojyo… I-I’m sorry…” Unclenching his fist, he let Gojyo disentangle himself, closing his eyes and taking several deep breaths. He reached across with his right arm to check his ear. One, two, three. They were all there. A heavy sigh of relief escaped him.

It's always the same dream. Gojyo was in terrible, terrible danger, and Hakkai couldn’t get to him, no matter how hard he tried, no matter what course of action he took. There was something that Hakkai had to do that was more important – more important than Gojyo dying – and yet Hakkai could never remember what that could possibly be upon awakening. The details sometimes changed – sometimes Hakuryuu was there, and Gojyo’s hair was dark and short instead of long and red, but it always ended the same way. No matter what Hakkai did, no matter how fast he ran to get there, a huge, terrifying monster swept down on top of Gojyo, and the blood…

“Hakkai! Talk to me, man! You’re freaking me out, here!” Gojyo was straddling him, his long fingers gripping Hakkai’s shoulders, trying to get him to stop shaking.

Hakkai reached up to touch Gojyo’s face with a quivering hand, pushing a stray lock of red behind his ear. “Gojyo…” He whispered his name like an incantation. “I’m so sorry, your hair…”

“Fuck, forget about my hair, okay? Are you all right?”

“Gojyo. Promise me something.” Don’t die on me. Please don’t die.

“Anything.”

“Please don’t…" Please don’t die. "Don’t... ever cut your hair short.”

“What? Why…? What the hell does this have to do with…?”

“Gojyo, please.” Don’t die.

“All right, all right! I wont cut it. I wasn’t planning on it! God, you’re so weird sometimes…!”

Hakkai held Gojyo as tightly as he could, burying his head in his lover’s soft crimson hair. Gojyo’s strong arms wound around him and he shook all over with relief. Alive. He’s alive, and breathing, and his hair is still long and as red as sin. Please, God, if you exist, don’t take him away from me. Please. Not this time.

A tear slipped down his cheek, which he quickly brushed away.

“I’m not letting you go.”

“Good, cuz I got nowhere else to go. You sure you’re okay?”

“Yes.” As long as you’re still breathing, yes. Yes.

Two 58 drabbles (Hakkai/Gojyo)

2008-05-16T01:21:03Z

Title: Two 58 drabbles
Author: priestess_grrrl
Pairing: 585
Rating: PG-13
Dedication: To turquoise_woman, who is my General Kenren. *smooches*

#1

Cho Gonou collapsed to his knees, barely able to get himself into the proper position. His injuries had almost proven too intense to make it out of Gojyo’s house, but he had managed. I’m not his problem. He raised the sharp blade in his two hands, knowing it would be even easier with the wound already there.

A strong arm gripped his wrist. Damn it. He glanced up at his red-haired captor in anguish.

“Why?”

“Tch. Like fuck I’m gonna waste my time getting a guy all better, only to have him off himself five seconds later.”

Oh.

Well. That made sense. He allowed himself to be dragged back to the house, a little wiser, perhaps.

#2

“This stuff is all a bunch of bullshit, if you ask me. Old lady superstitious bullshit.”

Hakkai was doing his best to ignore Gojyo’s obnoxiously loud voice, which carried right into the little wayside shrine. Please accept my offering, Kanan, mother, father, grandmother, grandfather... Dropping the carefully counted coins, he clapped his hands once, then pulled gently on the bell. And one more…

“…I mean, you can’t let that shit run your life, man, it’ll just drive you fucking crazy. Who needs religion, anyways, besides a bunch of stick-up-the-ass monks?”

Reappearing outside, Hakkai smiled that smile. “Gojyo. Kindly put out your cigarette and drop a coin in the shrine for your mother. She’s calling for you.”

Gojyo’s hand slipped on his lit cigarette and he nearly set himself on fire. “Er… right.” He went to stub it out on the ground, took one look at Hakkai, and pinched it off with his fingers instead.

Bowing his red head and fishing in his pockets, Gojyo headed for the entrance.

Hakkai was still smiling.

Three Yakuza and a Baby, Chapter 2 (Asami/Feilong)

2008-05-09T00:27:45Z

Title: Three Yakuza and a Baby, Chapter 2: Feilong's bad day
Author: priestess_grrrl
Series: Viewfinder
Pairing: AsamixAkihito, this chapter, Asami/Feilong...!
Rating: This chapter, PG-13
Genre: drama with a side order of crack
Notes: This fic takes place in an imaginary future in which the events in NT have been happily resolved (or at least as resolved as things ever get between Asami and Fei...!)

Chapter 1

Chapter 2: Feilong’s bad day

Feilong was seriously, seriously put out. Who did Asami think he was, ordering him to come to Japan, assuming he could just drop everything and show up on his doorstep? Like Feilong was his little puppy dog? Asami already had one of those, in the person of Akihito; he didn’t need another one.

He flicked angrily through his cell phone as his private jet touched down in Tokyo, rereading Asami’s irritatingly cryptic message one more time.

Feilong,

I need you to come to Japan. It’s urgent. A limousine will be waiting for you at Narita Airport this afternoon. Bring Tao along. Akihito misses him.

Asami

How dare he send Feilong something like this? How dare he suggest bringing Tao? As if this were a playdate rather than something serious enough to drag him all the way here from Hong Kong? Akihito misses him? So, couldn’t the two of them plan a trip to Tokyo Disneyland or something? What the hell was this about? God, that man could be so infuriating…!

The worst part of it was that here he was, in Japan, with Tao asleep on his lap, not twelve hours after receiving that stupid message. Of course he had called and left several angry voicemails for Asami, demanding to know exactly what was going on, and of course Asami had returned none of them. Typical. For myself as well as Asami. Much as he didn’t want to admit it, as soon as he saw the words, Feilong, I need you, he knew he was going to do whatever Asami asked of him. Bastard. To think that he can even manipulate me with a fucking text message…!

Well, now that he was here, Feilong was getting to the bottom of this immediately. There was no way he was going to have traveled all this way only to be made to wait for Asami to decide if he was worth his fucking time. If Asami didn’t deign to present himself immediately, Feilong would start shooting until he did show up. See if that got Mr. Text Message’s attention.

Feilong needn’t have worried: as he stepped into the waiting limousine, after gently tucking the still-sleeping Tao into the front seat, Asami was seated directly in front of him. “Cigarette?” he offered, lighting up.

“You know I don’t smoke your filthy Japanese cigarettes, you fucking idiot.”

“Hmm. Gin and tonic?” Asami opened the mini-bar and began pouring himself a drink.

“Asami!”

“How was your flight? No problems, I trust.” Stir, stir, stir.

Feilong hiked up his silk robe, pulled his pearl-handled pistol out of its leg holster and pointed it directly at Asami.

“I want to know what the hell this is all about, and I want to know now!”

Asami took no notice, crossing his legs and taking a sip of his drink. Feilong was seriously considering shooting the drink right out of his hand and wiping that smug look off his face, only Tao was in the car and it might endanger him. Asami sat back, one arm draped over the leather seat, staring intently at Feilong.

“Damn it, I did not come 1800 miles at the drop of a hat to be treated like… like a servant! You had better have a fucking good excuse for this, because otherwise, I am never – ”

“Is Tao your son?” Asami interrupted.

“WHAT??”

Feilong nearly dropped his gun in shock. Asami took another drag off his cigarette, waiting.

“Are you serious? Have you lost your mind?? Of course he’s not! You know that! What, have your Hong Kong informants all gone on strike or something?”

“I know what they’ve told me. I wanted to hear it from you.”

What the hell…? “Asami, you know Tao’s story. He’s an orphan. How could he possibly be my son? What the hell is with this line of inquiry?”

“It’s a perfectly reasonable question. When I first met you, you had no dependents. Seven years later when we met again, you had Tao. He’s the right age. One has to wonder.”

“One has to wonder whether those vile cigarettes have turned your brain to natto. In case you’ve forgotten, fathering a son involves sleeping with a woman.”

“And…?”

“And, in case it has slipped your mind, I sleep with men!!” Feilong was beginning to think that Asami really had lost his marbles.

“So… you’ve never slept with a woman.”

“No!" Feilong shuddered at the very thought. "I wouldn’t even know what to do with one, I mean… what are you supposed to hold onto…?” He made a vaguely obscene gesture with his left hand to illustrate his point.

“I see.”

“You see? You see what??” Feilong put his head in his hands, exasperated. “Please don’t tell me that you dragged me from China to Japan in order to question me about my sexual preferences. I could have told you that in a text message.”

“But you did raise Tao, even if you didn’t father him.”

“For the most part, yes. Is this… going somewhere?”

Asami sighed, running a hand over his face. “A baby showed up on Takaba’s doorstep this morning.”

“WHAT??”

“It arrived in a cardboard box, bearing a note proclaiming it to be mine.”

Now it was Feilong’s turn to stare. “So… is it?”

Asami’s cigarette glowed in the semi-darkness. “I don’t know.”

Feilong raised one delicate eyebrow. “I don’t know, as in, you’re not sure if you slept with a woman in the past nine months, or I don’t know as in the number of women you’ve slept with is as high as your body count?”

Asami made a noncommittal grunt and looked out the window. Feilong couldn’t help but chuckle. “So, the mighty Asami Ryuichi, taken down by an infant. This could get interesting. Where is the wonder child now?”

“With Takaba. That’s why I need your help.”

“Excuse me? My help? For what, exactly?” Feilong did not like where this was going.

“Until I find out exactly what’s going on, I have to keep the baby under wraps. Most of Our men don’t even know about it. Whoever did this was good: they knew that dropping the kid off at Takaba’s place would be less conspicuous, yet they also knew that the baby would eventually get to me. They evaded Our guards and left no trace of their identity. It could be anyone. It would not be wise to underestimate them.”

“I still fail to see what this has to do with me.”

“Takaba isn’t really able to take care of a child. He’s doing his best, but…”

Feilong’s eyes snapped wide open. “Wait a minute! You want me to take care of this kid?”

“Well, I thought since you had some experience, with Tao and everything…”

Feilong could feel his skin growing hot; his blood felt as though it were literally boiling. He took a deep breath. “I am the leader of one of the most powerful criminal organizations in the world. I have thousands of men under my control. People live and die at my command. And you called me here to be your fucking babysitter…!?”

“Well, it was just that you were the closest thing I could think of to…”

Feilong’s eyes narrowed dangerously. “To what?”

Asami met his ferocious glare with cool, lidded eyes, then shrugged his shoulders. “To a woman.”

The word was hardly out of his mouth when Feilong leaped on top of Asami, toppling his drink, heedless of his lit cigarette. Grabbing him by the lapels, he shook him hard, as if he could somehow knock the smugness out of him. “You fucking arrogant bastard! How dare you! Calling me all the way out here just to insult me! I’ve castrated men for less! How fucking dare you!!” Feilong was panting; his furious face was purple with rage.

Asami lay under Feilong perfectly still, reaching up to touch a lock of his rage-wild hair. His voice was quiet and calm. “I didn’t mean it as an insult.”

“Like fuck you didn’t!” Feilong hissed, thrusting his knee dangerously close to Asami’s groin.

Asami responded by sliding his right hand slowly up Feilong’s thigh. “Feilong.” He paused to look him directly in the eye. “You’re wearing lace stockings.”

Feilong tossed his silky mane in irritation. “Tch! These aren’t stockings, they’re leggings! And I only wear them because they’re comfy on the plane! It doesn’t have anything to do with…”

Asami’s smirk caused Feilong to blush to his roots. “Shut up! That – that still doesn’t change the fact that you’re an asshole, and if you think I’m going to fucking help you now, you have another thing coming!”

“Feilong.” Asami tucked a strand of silken black hair behind his ear. “I need someone I can trust.”

“You trust me? Are you batshit crazy?” Shut up, Asami, just shut up…! Stop saying things like that when you don’t mean it.

“Perhaps.” Asami gently stroked the curve of Feilong’s ear, then down the side of his neck. “At least come meet the kid? We’re almost there.”

Feilong sighed, collapsing on top of Asami. Damn you. Damn you straight into hell. “Fine, but I’m not making any fucking promises,” he mumbled from under his hair. “I do have a job, you know, as little as you seem to care about it.”

“Certainly you can take a week off without causing too much of a stir,” Asami persuaded, smoothing his rough fingers over Feilong’s head.

“A week? Have you ever taken a week off?”

“No. But I’m sure you’ll figure it out.” Asami stretched and got up, leaving Feilong sprawled over the leather seat. “Besides, it’s better than the alternative.”

“The alternative…?”

“The one in which I tell everybody that you really are a woman, and that this is our love child.”

“WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST SAY??” Feilong snapped up, gun first, but Asami had already stepped out of the car.

Three Yakuza and a Baby, Chapter 1 (AsamixAkihito)

2008-05-06T01:15:39Z

Title: Three Yakuza and a Baby (Prologue, Chapter 1)
Author: priestess_grrrl
Series: Viewfinder
Pairing: AsamixAkihito
Rating: This chapter, PG-13
Genre: drama with a side order of crack
Notes: Yes, this is the oldest gag in the book, but the plotbunny hit me, and I couldn't resist.

Prologue: Aki’s surprise!

Akihito lay perfectly still, listening carefully, trying to make sure Asami was definitely in the shower before he attempted to get up. The man was too damned perceptive; if he realized that Akihito was awake, he’d likely drag him into the shower with him, and that was something Akihito wanted to avoid this morning at all costs.

Ouch! Wincing, he rolled over gingerly and stumbled out of bed. Has that man even heard of lube? Honestly, maybe he should suggest to Asami that he buy out the KY Jelly corporation so that he’d be more likely to make use of their products. Then again, maybe he’d better not suggest that to Asami.

One of these days, I’m just going to tell him NO, and that’s final! What had Akihito ever done to deserve this kind of treatment? Even now, having to sneak out of his own apartment early in the morning to avoid him…! It was infuriating. He really should put a stop to it. One of these days.

Sighing, he rummaged under his bed for his clothing from the night before. For right now, the easiest thing to do was just to slip out of the apartment unnoticed. He could grab a cup of coffee and a donut at the shop down the street on his way into work. If Asami was up and showering this early, it probably meant he had important business to deal with today, which was fine with Akihito. Leave me alone for a few days, will you, and let me lick my wounds and regain my sanity in peace…!

A minor miracle occurred and he somehow managed to get dressed and locate his keys, his wallet and his backpack without alerting Asami. Now if I can just make it out of here, we’re golden…! Carefully unhooking the chain lock as he silently slid the deadbolt back, Akihito crept out into the hall, his head turned, alert for any sign of Asami coming after him.

He was just congratulating himself on a mission accomplished, when he tripped and fell flat on his face. What the hell…? Something had appeared right in front of his door, something large and heavy… And that something was now screaming at the top of its lungs.

A baby?!? What? Oh my God, I’ve killed it! I killed a baby! Holy shit, I’m a murderer…! Frantic, Akihito scrambled to pick up the infant, who had fallen out of its cardboard box onto the floor. It was wrapped in a pink blanket that was frayed around the edges. Holding it out in front of him, he tried to assess the damage. The baby continued to wail, its scrunched up little face turning very red. How do I tell if it’s hurt? I don’t even know what it’s supposed to look like…!

Not knowing what else to do, Akihito pulled the baby close to his chest and started rocking it back and forth, as he’d seen his mother do. “It’s okay, it’s okay! I didn’t mean to murder you! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Shhh! Shhhhh…!”

A shadow fell over them. Raising his head, Akihito saw Asami standing in the doorway, dripping wet, naked except for a towel and his gun.

“Something you haven’t told me, Takaba?”

***

Chapter 1: Asami’s bad day

The cogs in Asami’s brain were already turning as he scanned the hallway from left to right. A child. What were the possibilities? A prank. A plot. A bid for power. A conspiracy. Who…?

Akihito was babbling louder than the baby. “Asami! Asami, are you listening to me? I think I may have hurt this baby! I didn’t mean to; I tripped over it coming out the door! I don’t know where it came from! What should we do? I don’t know how to tell if it’s all right! We should get it to a hospital or something…!”

Why here? Who knew that they could get to Asami here, at Akihito’s apartment? Had he been underestimating how much danger he put the boy in? What would be the point of leaving a child here? A veiled threat? To whom was it directed? A diversion? From what? What was he missing…?

“A-saaa-mi!! Hello, we have a problem here! What are we gonna do?”

Asami made up his mind. “Get inside. Now.”

“But-”

“I said move, Takaba!”

Akihito made that fighting-tears noise that never failed to jolt Asami, even though he would never in a million years admit it to him. The truth was that the more danger Akihito was in, the harsher Asami became with him. Asami knew that; he just didn’t know how to stop himself from doing it.

After herding the crying baby and the nearly-crying Akihito inside, Asami double checked the hallway one more time. Then he shut the door, locked it, deadbolted it (why hadn’t he insisted on installing an electronic security system for this place?) and immediately reached for his phone.

“Oh… good… call 911…” Akihito sniffed.

Asami resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Yes, because all of the Yakuza are in the habit of dialing 911. “Excuse me, this is an emergency. I’ve just butchered a dozen people. You might want to come pick up the bodies.” He sighed, walking swiftly into the bathroom and shutting the door, leaving Akihito desperately trying to soothe the noisy child.

Hesitating for a brief moment before dialing, Asami decided not to let his men in on this little secret for the time being. “This is Asami speaking. I want all of Our men on full alert as of right now. Any suspicious activity or incident must be reported to me immediately. I want extra guns on Takaba’s apartment, pronto. I want video surveillance up here as soon as possible. No one comes or goes from this building without Our scrutiny. I expect a full report from the guards who were here last night and this morning in my hands within the hour. Dismissed.”

That would be sufficient for the time being. Now, if that child really did need a doctor, procuring one might be troublesome. Strangely, the crying seemed to have stopped. Taking his pressed pants off the hanger on the back of the door and pulling them on, Asami stepped into the main room, toweling his hair. “Akihito…?”

“We’re in here!”

As Asami poked his head into the kitchen, he could hear Akihito making little cooing noises at the baby, whom he was apparently feeding, albeit in an odd manner. “We were just hungry, weren’t we, my little Kokoro? Yes we were! Good girl!” Asami leaned against the doorframe, smirking.

“Are you feeding that baby… with a gun?”

“Tch, it’s a squirt gun! I didn’t have any baby bottles lying around, okay? This is the best I could do on short notice! At least I happened to have some milk! Sheesh! What about you? Did you call 911?”

“No. Let me see the baby.”

Akihito immediately pulled the infant protectively to his chest, eyeing Asami warily. “W-what are you going to do?”

“Eat her for breakfast?”

“ASAMI! Stop kidding around! This is a child’s life we’re talking about, here! She’s been through enough trauma already today, without you… you…”

“Akihito. I just want to check her for broken bones, since you apparently used her as a doormat earlier.” Akihito looked at the floor, his ears turning bright red. “I do have some training in this.”

“Yeah, I bet. How many people’s bones have you broken? Any babies? Or will this be a new record for you –”

Asami was behind him in a flash, his strong fingers gripping Akihito’s upper arm like a vise. “Ouch, stoppit, you’re hurting me…!”

“I said let me see her.”

“All right, all right, just don’t hurt her!”

Having lost her squirt gun bottle, the baby started crying again. Akihito glared at Asami with large, angry eyes as he struggled to get a steady drip of milk into the baby’s mouth. Asami stared back. What do you… take me for? Some kind of monster, no doubt. It’s not far from the truth.

Asami sighed. “Akihito. You can hold her, just let me check her over, okay?”

“Fine.” His tone was ice cold.

Crouching down, Asami began to pat the baby carefully, starting with her head. She seemed ridiculously tiny in Asami’s huge hands. He was nearly finished and was gently pulling her blankets back into place when something fell out onto the kitchen floor.

“What is that? A note…?” Akihito’s curiosity won over his anger, as was often the case.

Asami picked up the folded piece of paper. It felt heavy in his hands, somehow.

“What does it say? Read it!”

Asami read it, refolded it, then turned to exit the kitchen.

“What the hell? What did it say? ASAMI!”

The baby began crying again, and Akihito had his hands full. He doesn’t need to know about this. Not right now.

“Damn it, Asami, tell me what the hell is going on! I refuse to be left in the dark!”

Asami finished dressing quickly and headed for the door before Akihito could protest. Much. “I’m going out. I’ll send some supplies over with one of Our men. Stay here.”

“WHAT?? Are you CRAZY? You’re leaving me here? With this infant?? ASAMI!!”

Asami swore that the pitch of Akihito’s voice when he screeched his name like that caused dogs to come running from every corner of the city. Instead of arguing, he grabbed the back of Akihito’s head and kissed him hard on the mouth.

“A-Asami!”

“Please. Stay here. I need to know that you and this child are safe.”

“But what the… When are you coming back? I’m supposed to go to work…!”

“I’ll call them for you.”

“No! No, don’t you call! I’ll call them. But-”

“Akihito. I’ve got to go. Don’t open this door to anyone who’s not one of Ours.”

“…Asami! Damn you…!”

Shutting the door on Akihito’s stream of expletives, Asami hurried down the stairs to his men outside. Not good. Not good at all.

The hand-written letter had said:

I am the daughter of Asami Ryuichi. Please take very good care of me.

fic: Konzen's Special Secret Private List of Do's and Don'ts (Saiyuki crack!)

2008-05-04T02:24:10Z

Title: Konzen's Special Secret Private List of Do's and Don'ts
Author: priestess_grrrl
Series: Saiyuki Gaiden
Pairing: various mentioned
Rating: PG
Genre: crack!
Notes: Inspired by the ridiculously hilarious Kenren list and the Tenpou list by madame_maya.

Konzen's Special Secret Private List of Do's and Don'ts (No peeking! That means you, bakasaru!)

1. Do not make origami out of all the important documents in the palace and then blame it on the monkey.

2. Do not eat all the fruits from the Emperor’s favorite tree in the Heavenly Garden and then blame it on the monkey.

3. Do not chuck water balloons from the top of the high tower onto the procession below out of boredom and then blame it on the monkey.

4. Stop blaming everything on the monkey. Even if he deserves it for all those times he gets away without being caught.

5. Do not suggest to the monkey via Kenren to steal Li Touten’s underwear and scatter it randomly around the palace, and then claim to know nothing about it.

6. Do not purposefully send the wrong paperwork to the wrong department so that the army will think that they are being issued pink silk kimonos for new uniforms. Kenren and Tenpou will show up dressed as such, very drunk, and make you wear one, too.

7. Must resist the urge to doodle during important meetings. Said doodles have a way of making their way into the Emperor’s hands with obscene additions attached.

8. Avoid calling superiors idiots in public. They will retaliate and you will regret it. Mostly.

9. Stop calling people idiots at random. Or at least cut it down to ten times per ~~week~~ day.

10. Must work on facial expressions. Goal is to figure out a way to make “bored out of my skull” look more like “mildly interested in what you’re saying” and to go from “sour” to “aloof and unconcerned.”

11. Stop listening to Kenren. I’d rather look sour than drunk, stupid and perpetually horny.

12. Must secretly borrow one of Tenpou’s books on child raising, as the monkey has been acting rather strange as of late.

13. Must keep the monkey away from any and all pornography. Especially the variety that Kanzeon Bosatsu tends to have around.

14. Stop calling Kanzeon Bosatsu a hag. She has connections in the Heavenly Laundry Department and she will put starch in my underwear. A lot of it.

15. Must stop borrowing Tenpou’s psychology books, as it is entirely too easy to diagnose self with multiple complexes. I most certainly do not qualify as “obsessive compulsive.”

16. Must remember to wash hands after touching the monkey.

17. Must work on parting my hair more evenly. Part must be directly above bindi. Must ask Tenpou what hair gel he uses.

18. Stop chewing on hair. It doesn’t help.

19. Must stop concocting complicated plans in order to figure out whether or not Tenpou and Kenren are fucking. It doesn’t matter. I don’t care. Not even a little.

20. Absolutely must not include the monkey in any of said plans. I do not want to have that conversation. Again.

21. Don’t yell at the monkey for bringing me flowers, even if I do have allergies, and he knows that, because I’ve told him a thousand times. He’s just trying to be nice. Or something.

22. Must not become neurotic over whereabouts of monkey. He will eventually find his way back to his ~~Mommy~~ caretaker.

23. Must resist the urge to “accidentally” shove Kenren at the top of the high stairs, no matter how funny the frightened look on his face is, and no matter how incongruous said frightened face looks with that ridiculous skull pendant of his.

24. Must resist this temptation even after Kenren has persuaded the monkey to bring home multiple cats.

25. Must start teaching the monkey to read myself, even though this will be irritating. I don’t know what this Mad magazine is that Tenpou is letting him read, but it’s not doing any good for his behavior.

26. This also applies to teaching the monkey to sing. If I have to hear 99 Bottles of Sake one more time, I am going to personally see to it that Kenren is exiled to the Lower World. Don’t even get me started on the age inappropriateness of This is my Rifle, This is my Gun.

27. Yawning in public is not acceptable. Even if Kanzeon Bosatsu does it at every meeting.

28. Must not, under any circumstances, agree to get drunk with Kenren and Tenpou. Not even if the moon is full and the sakura trees are in bloom. Not even if promised sexual favors. Especially not if promised sexual favors.

29. Must not agree to any sort of nighttime outing with Kenren and Tenpou. In fact, avoid meeting either of them alone/after dark if at all possible.

30. Must instruct the monkey that he is not allowed to accept gifts from Kenren without checking with me first. Especially if such items are prankish in nature and most especially if Kenren says, “Don’t tell Konzen.”

31. This also goes for Tenpou.

32. And Kanzeon Bosatsu.

33. Must instruct the monkey to wash his hair properly. Maybe I could borrow some of that strawberry shampoo that Kanzeon Bosatsu uses.

34. (Next day) Do not, under any circumstances, borrow anything from Kanzeon Bosatsu. Especially not hair care products.

35. Must somehow resist the urge to follow the monkey’s every whim. Must not let Tenpou and Kenren see me playing patty-cake, in a pink kimono, wearing pigtails.

36. Must not ever, even under irresistible orders, play “horsie” with a 220 lb monkey.

37. Must remember to thank Jiroshin for antidote to strawberry shampoo potion. No wonder he’s the only sane one around here.

38. And finally, I must not let the monkey sleep in the same bed with me. It is not appropriate. He’s too old now, and he pulls my hair, and I wake up exhausted. No exceptions. Even if he’s having nightmares. Or he’s crying. Or he makes the puppy eyes.

39. (Next day) Okay, so maybe just when he makes the puppy eyes. Stupid monkey.

Agony and Ecstasy: The Fullmetal Iliad, Book 2 (Roy/Ed)

2008-03-17T21:34:33Z

Title: Agony and Ecstasy: The Fullmetal Iliad (Book 2)
Author: priestess_grrrl
Series: FMA
Pairing: RoyxEd, Al/Winry
Rating: NC-17, Book 2: PG-13
Warnings: Um, it’s the Iliad. Blood, death, war, angst. Major character deaths. Starts off light, gets heavy quick.
Apologies to: Homer, Robert Fagles, Hiromu Arakawa, Manowar for the title
Notes: For those of you whose knowledge of the Iliad is based on crappy movies starring Brad Pitt, you can read more about the actual story here. Names are written in transliterated Greek. Translated phrases or passages are my own or borrowed from Robert Fagles. Adaptation based purely on artistic license. Anachronisms galore. Very much AU. Book divisions do not correspond directly to Homer.

The Cast of Characters

General Roy “Agamemnon” Mustang
Edward “Akhilles” Elric, the Fullmetal Warrior
Alphonse “Patroklos” Elric
Winry “Briseis” Rockbell, daughter of Hephaistos
Maes “Odysseus” Hughes
Ajax Louis Armstrong
Jean “Menalaus” Havoc
Lust, the most beautiful woman in the world
Scar Tamer of Horses
Paris, brother of Scar
The Goddess Hawkeyed Riza
The Goddess Silver-footed Trisha

The Story So Far

In Book One, Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Warrior, raged against General Roy Mustang for claiming Ed’s girlfriend Winry as his own. We now find Edward having to give Winry up, to the great sorrow of his brother Alphonse, who is in love with her. Ed resolves to seek the help of his mother, the Goddess Silver-footed Trisha, who is a Nereid, a nymph of the Sea.

The Fullmetal Iliad
Book Two: Odune (“Grief”)

Edward stormed out of General Mustang’s tent, his blood boiling. What the hell was his problem, anyway? Fucking prick thought he owned the whole goddamned Ancient World. And the way he kept looking at Ed the whole time, like he was toying with his fucking pet dog, argh he was so infuriating!! Ed kicked a spare helmet out of his way as he charged down the beach towards his own tent. Bastard. It figured he would refuse to give in. Now what was Ed going to tell Al?

Speaking of his brother, there he sat, outside their tent, mournfully staring at his sandals. Great. I’ve failed him yet again. Ed sighed, approaching his brother silently, head hanging low in shame.

Alphonse lifted his sad eyes and the woefully disappointed look on his face cut Edward straight to the core. Damn that fucking arrogant bastard; damn him straight into hell. “Al… I’m sorry.”

“Is… is there nothing to be done, then?” Al’s voice shook; Ed could tell he was trying very hard not to cry. Death is too good for Roy Mustang.

Ed got down on his knees before his brother, taking his hands. “There’s never nothing, Al. Not while there’s still breath in my lungs, there’s not. I’ll go talk to Mother. Surely she will be able to do something…”

A polite cough interrupted them. Ed looked up to see two very sheepish looking soldiers standing some distance away from the tent, clearly wishing they were anywhere else. “That bastard doesn’t waste any time, does he?” Ed snapped.

The two men winced and glanced behind them, as if weighing their options. Going back to the General empty handed would be bad, but getting flayed alive by the Fullmetal Warrior was not exactly high on their list, either. Despite his anger toward their commander, Ed pitied them.

“Breda and Fuery, I have no quarrel with you: it’s your arrogant fuck of a commanding officer who’s got me pissed off. You can come over here; I know you’re just doing your job.”

They moved forward slightly, still obviously hesitant. Fuery looked like he was about to wet his pants any minute. Ed sighed, still furious with himself for fucking this up, but at the moment, there was nothing else to be done. “Al. Go get Winry.”

Alphonse moved like a condemned man, eyes huge and full of anguish as he opened the flap of the tent. Ed heard them embracing one last time inside and bile rose in his throat. Al’s one happiness in this miserable fucking hellhole and that bastard has to take it away. I’ll never forgive him. Never.

Winry came out first, eyes proud and head held high as she marched bravely toward her captors. Breda and Fuery stood awkwardly on either side of her, obviously still worried that one wrong move and they would be Fullmetal fricassee.

Ed couldn’t resist taking advantage of this just a little. “You tell him, that pompous ass of a General, that if he mistreats her, I will personally tear him limb from limb.”

Before they could stammer out a reply, Winry turned to glare at Edward. “You just worry about not screwing up that armor while I’m gone, or I’ll have your head between my hammer and anvil!” With that she was off, leaving Breda and Fuery to hurry after her.

Ed grinned. “Well Al, at least we know Winry can take care of hersel - oh, Al…”

His brother had collapsed on the ground and was weeping openly, his knuckles pressed into his mouth, his whole body shaking. Ed gathered him into his arms and dragged him back into the tent, holding Al tightly to him, hot tears leaking from his own eyes against his will. “Al, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…! If you want, I’ll go back, and I’ll just kill them, and we’ll take Winry and we’ll run, we’ll get on a ship and just leave, Al, I don’t care, we’ll just fucking go, run away to Xing or… or something! Anything, Al, anything for you, I don’t care, I’ll do it, I swear…”

Al gasped for breath between sobs, shaking his head against his brother’s chest, waving his quivering hands. “N-no, don’t k-kill them, it’s not F-Fuery’s fault!”

Ed kissed the top of his brother’s head. Always thinking about someone else. That’s my Al. “It’s okay, Al. It’s okay, I wont kill anyone. I’ll go see Mother. She’ll know what to do.”

“B-but Winry, she’s so innocent, so delicate… to think she has to go be with that horrible sleazy General Mustang!” Horrible and sleazy indeed, thought Edward. Winry, on the other hand, was about as delicate as a charging wild boar, but maybe that was a good thing. If Mustang tried anything on her, she’d have his cock in a vise in about thirty seconds. Ed would pay money to witness that little showdown.

“I know, Al, I know. Don’t you worry, I wont let that bastard hurt her. It’ll be okay, Al, I promise. It’ll be okay.”

Edward held Al close to him, rocking him gently until he had exhausted himself from crying and fell into a troubled sleep. Then he carefully extricated himself from his brother’s limbs and snuck out of the tent, heading straight for the beach.

When he arrived on a deserted area of the shore, he fell to his knees in the surf, relishing the feel of the waves crashing against him. Tears came pouring out of his eyes as he pounded the wet sand in his anguish. “Mother! Mother, I need you!”

A sea mist gathered around him and suddenly there stood the Goddess Silver-footed Trisha, his beloved mother, her lithe form floating gracefully over the waves. “Edward, my precious child, what ails thee, that ye weep so desperately at my shores? What sorrow has touched thy volatile heart?” She embraced him tenderly, pulling his fiery head to her soft breast.

“Mother, it’s awful! That bastard General Mustang has taken Winry, the girl that Al loves! And he’s a stubborn f…” Ed paused. The Goddess Trisha was the only one for whom he was willing to curb his foul language. “He’s a stubborn jerk and he wont relent. I tried to attack him, but the Goddess Riza showed up and stopped me! Now Al’s crying and miserable, and I don’t know what to do!”

“Oh, Edward…” Her arms wound gently around him. “My poor troubled son, why did I ever bear thee, doomed to so much suffering? What would you have me do? How can I ease thy pain?”

Ed pulled himself away, bubbling over with rage. “Make him pay for disgracing me like this! Use your influence with the Father: convince him to favor the Ishbalans! Give them strength to fight until the Amestrians are pressed back against their ships! Let him see how useless he is without me!”

“Edward… are you sure that is what you want?”

His eyes glinted like steel. “Yes! I want to see him suffer.”

The Goddess Trisha gazed at her wrathful son, her eyes heavy with sadness. “So be it, though I fear mightily for thee, my son. Stay here by the fast ships and do not take part in the fighting. I shall grasp the knees of the Father on thy behalf and try to win him over. Do not weep. Thy mother, at least, loves thee.”

She held him close once more, her delicate fingers stroking his golden hair. Edward cried into her arms until he was spent, then made his way sadly back to his tent and his forsaken brother.

I Hate You A to Z (Roy/Ed)

2008-03-09T00:37:24Z

Title: I Hate You A to Z
Author: priestess_grrrl
Series: FMA
Pairing: Roy/Ed
Rating: PG-13

Notes: This is an example fic for anotherfmafan's Roy/Ed Competition contest. Details can be found here.

Maes rolled his eyes as he entered the office, the familiar sound of Roy and Ed shouting at the top of their lungs meeting his ears for the second day in a row. He coughed to interrupt since neither one of them had heard him come in. They both looked up, blinking guiltily. “You know something, you two? You do this so often, you might as well make a contest out of it.”

“A contest?” Ed had paused in the middle of his quest to climb up on top of Roy’s desk and strangle him.

“Yes, a contest. You know, an insult contest. You could start with the beginning of the alphabet and work your way down.” Maes rolled his eyes once again. He was being sarcastic, of course…

“I don’t know why you all think I have time for this kind of childish nonsen- ” Roy began, but Ed cut him off.

“Sounds like a great idea! I go first. Asshole.”

“Edward, honestly – ” Roy looked to Maes for help, but Maes only shook his head and folded his arms, figuring he might as well enjoy the show.

“What, can’t keep up with me, Bas-”

“Bean sprout!”

“Cocksucker!”

“Dork!”

“Egomaniac!”

“Little fucker.”

“Little begins with ‘L’, retard!”

“I just wanted to hear you say little, Fucker.” Roy smirked at Maes. “I should get an extra point for that, are you keeping track?”

“Giant pain in my ass!”

“Hothead.”

“Ichthyosaur!”

“Ichthyosaur??” Roy stared at Ed incredulously.

“It’s a prehistoric marine reptile –”

“I know what it is –”

“-with an ugly face and a big snout who pushed all the other sea creatures around. Hence, you.”

“That’s the dorkiest insult I ever heard.”

“Why don’t you shut up and quit stalling?”

“I’m not stalling. Jackass.”

“Kamikaze!”

“Lame-ass.”

“Mustela kathiah!”

“What??”

“Yellow-bellied weasel. And that means when you get ‘W’ you can’t say weasel again, cuz I already used it.”

“I wont get ‘W’, you will.”

“We’ll see about that, Numbnuts.”

“Hey, you just cheated!”

“Still too fast for you, Old m-”

“OBNOXIOUS LITTLE BRAT!!”

“PAIN IN MY ASS!”

“You used that twice. You already said ‘Giant pain in my ass’ for ‘G’.”

“THAT’S BECAUSE YOU ARE A GIANT PAIN IN MY ASS!! IT DESERVES A SECOND MENTION!!”

“It’s still against the rules. Maes, are you taking notes?” Maes was currently perched on Roy’s desk, grinning hugely.

“Pisser!”

“Drama Queen.”

“Drama begins with ‘D’!”

“And Queen begins with ‘Q’.”

“That’s still bullshit!”

“Would you prefer, ‘Quarter the size of the average human being?’”

“Shove it, Rat bastard!”

“Oh… that brings us to ‘S’, doesn’t it?” Roy paused theatrically, pretending to think.

“Yeah, ‘S’ for ‘Stalling’…”

“Let me see, let me see… what kind of an insult could I possibly call Edward that begins with the letter ‘S’. Hmm…”

“Just spit it out, you stupid bastard!”

“Well, now, ‘height challenged’ doesn’t begin with ‘S’…”

“Goddamn it, if you take too long, you lose!”

“Miniscule, no, that’s another ‘M’…”

“You are such a fucking prick, I can’t believe I’m even playing this with you.”

“Tiny is close, could we skip to ‘T’?”

“Turdface!”

“Short.”

“Ugly!”

“Short.”

“Vicious!”

“Short.”

“Worm!”

“Short.”

“Xenophobe!”

“Short.”

“Yellow bellied sap sucker!”

“Still short. And you already called me a yellow-bellied weasel.”

“Zannichelliaceae palustris!! HA!! I win!!”

“Zani-what? Is that another weasel?”

“Zannichelliaceae palustris. Horned pond-weed. It stinks, and it gets all over your boots when you go the lake to take samples. It’s irritating and drives me batshit crazy. Hence, you. And I win!!”

“No, I believe I win.”

“WHAT?? That’s fucking crap! I did the last seven letters of the alphabet!”

“But my goal wasn’t to get to the end of the alphabet; it was to make you so mad that your face turned red. And look! Red as a fire engine. I win!”

“I hate you!”

“I’m well aware of that fact. Now then, Maes, didn’t you have some important business for us to take care of?”

“Oh yes!” Maes hurried over to Roy, still beaming. “Elicia got the prettiest little yellow Easter dress with the cutest little bonnet to go with it, and I have a whole roll of new pictures!” He opened up his wallet to unroll a seemingly endless string of bright yellow cuteness. “Ed, since you won the contest after all, you may have the first pick of all the lovely Elicias! Wait, where are you going? Don’t you want your prize?”

“Ha ha, see you, pond-weed bastard!” He slammed the door on his way out.

Roy put his hand over his face. “You did that on purpose, didn’t you.”

Maes only widened his smile and proffered his adorable daughter in response. Someone has to keep the two of you in line, after all.